Tears
by Sefie Lynne tilmitt
Summary: Xifa wrote this with me.... Raine's point of view from the time she first met Laguna to the time she dies... I suck at summaries... maybe xifa will come up with a better one... please read and review!
1. Default Chapter

(a/n: Xifa helped write this. She is Laguna and Elle and Sakura, and I am Raine.  Also this has no relation to I'll Be, nor do any of the characters. Okay?! And I DON'T OWN FINAL FANTASY VIII! Only Squall In any case, go read Xifa's stories! They're great!) It's 3 a.m. I'm awake and my heart's still dreaming… 

I was sitting in the dark kitchen, going through the mail, mostly bills, quietly as not to wake my adopted daughter Ellone. It was the middle of the night, or, in a sense, the middle of the morning. I remembered what felt like forever ago looking at the clock and seeing that it was 1 a.m. It had to be at least three now.

The tiny town of Winhill was dead. Even the Galbadian soldiers that liked to stay out late were already in bed by now.  There was a sharp, frantic knocking caught my attention. I jumped up, throwing the door open, afraid something had happened to my best friend Sakura. But it wasn't Sakura at all. A Galbadian soldier stood there.  I'd seen him around before, but we weren't friends or anything.

"Miss Leonhart!" he said breathlessly.

            I didn't even have to ask. I gasped, hurrying to clear a spot for the wounded soldier that the Galbadian had dragged in, half-dead. The wounded man must have been tough as nails to survive in the condition he was in… I got as many medical supplies as I could, working quickly but cautiously as not to hurt him too much. The other soldier had walked away; he obviously figured his good deed was done. Bloody Galbadian Soldiers… No compassion. Meanwhile, the wounded soldier wasn't making my job any easier by squirming and occasionally shouting out random obscenities. I couldn't help but get frustrated.

"Sh, I'm trying to help!" I muttered, attempting to calm him down, keep working, and hold him still all at once.

"Who the hell are you?! Let go of me! OW!" he struggled to get away, then winced and involuntionarily cried out in pain.

"I'm sorry if this hurts, sir," I said softly, feeling so sorry for him… this had to hurt… "But it'll hurt a whole lot more if we don't do something about this. My name is Raine Leonhart." I added, in response to his rudely put question.

            He seemed to have completely given up now and was lying motionless, staring up at me helplessly. No more struggling, no more yelling. I felt really bad for him… I used my last potion on him. What could have happened to put him through this?!

"I'm so sorry, sir…." I read his name tag, "….Laguna…. I'll try to do all I can to make it better for you, okay? Thank you for calming down, that'll make it a hundred time easier…."

He glared angrily up at me in response. "I won't give you the information. Just let me die. Even if you save me, I won't tell you anything." He said slowly but bitterly, each word seeming to hurt him.   
Galbadian soldiers… they were all the same…

"I don't **want** information." I sighed. "I just want to get you out of critical condition. I don't want you to die… no human deserves that."

"Maybe I do," Laguna sighed. "Laguna Loire, that's my name. I'm about twenty-one," I saw him force  a smile, "I'm with the Galbadian army, Division Six—"

"Shhh." I put my finger to his lips. "Now isn't the time. You can tell me later. It'll hurt worse to talk, Laguna..."

It felt like forever…. Getting Laguna cleaned up. Mainly because he was covered in blood, and that made me want to throw up. I wanted him to be okay, though, so I did my best.

"Thank you, ma'am." He eventually said quietly, his voice hoarse.

"Your welcome." I smiled. "Now, is it okay if I set up a bed down here for the night? You need some rest, and it would be a very painful trip upstairs…"

"I can get up some stupid stairs," Laguna scowled.

"Not tonight, Laguna. It's four in the morning and we both need to get some sleep."

"Sleep… where am I? There a hotel around here? My money's in a hidden pocket in the jacket…"

"No, no, that's not important." I said and shook my head quickly. "It doesn't matter. You just need to relax."

I hurriedly put a bed together for him.

"What do I owe you, ma'am?"

"Nothing." I insisted.

"I'll fight with it later," he sighed, trying to stand up and stopping. Big mistake.

"Laguna…." I worriedly helped him to the bed.

"I've only known you for an hour and we're already having a slumber party?" he forced a smile, wincing as he laid down. "I could be bad, y'know. I have a gun, somewhere…."

"Not in this state." I smiled sadly. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

"Kiros and Ward… where they at?"

"I'm sorry, I've never met anyone by the name of Kiros or Ward. If they're still in town, I'll try to find them, though."

"Shouldn't have let me live." He mumbled, closing his eyes. "Stupid idea, Laguna…."

"Every life is previous, Laguna. Don't forget that. I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight, so I can hear you if you need anything. Don't hesitate to ask."

He miserably buried his face in the pillow, closing his eyes and mumbling his thanks.  I crawled up on the couch; I was glad I'd already changed into pajama bottoms and my huge blue t-shirt. I hadn't felt so exhausted since Elle decided to run away when she was little. I sighed, hugged the pillow and let nightmares and dreams wash over me like the ride.


	2. The Hand Sanitizer Incident

(a/n: Xifa helped write this. She is Laguna and Elle and Sakura, and I am Raine.  Also this has no relation to I'll Be, nor do any of the characters. Okay?! And I DON'T OWN FINAL FANTASY VIII! Only Squall In any case, go read Xifa's stories! They're great!)

_Sometimes it's black, Sometimes it's white, Sometimes she's wrong, Sometimes I'm right…every other time. _

Morning came all to soon… Bringing me out of my dreams. I closed my eyes again, trying to remember some of the dreams I had. It was like trying to hold water… every little detail trickled away. I sighed, stood up, stretching, and went into the kitchen. It felt so strange to cook breakfast for three. Usually it was only Elle and I. Laguna hadn't made any complaints since going to sleep, but seemed to be stirring now. I brought him a tray, lost for words, then sat cross-legged on the love seat. I started to eat without talking to Laguna, because I didn't want to wake Elle up.

"Good morning." He said, and I looked up.

"Morning. Feeling better this morning?" I feigned brightness and cheerfulness.

"A bit," he nodded with a smile, "I don't hurt for the first time in a few days. I'm afraid to move and screw that up."

"Do you need some help?"

He really needed to change out of that beat up uniform, and despite how embarrassing it may be, I doubted he could stand up on his own yet. Heck, I doubted he could move.

"Help what?" he blinked.

"Raine, I'm hungry!" Elle ran down the stairs, making as much noise as possible.  "Oh! Ah!" she cried, seeing Laguna and ducking behind me.

"It's okay." I laughed a little. "This is Laguna. He'll be staying for a while. Laguna, this is Ellone."

"Is he bad?" Elle asked me.

"Nice to meetcha, Miss Ellone." I hoped and prayed that Elle wouldn't pick up Laguna's awful speech habits.

"Of course he's not bad. He's… a friend of mine. He had an accident, and he's far from home, so he can stay here as long as he needs."

"Okay. I'm gonna go get my plate now. Bye!" Elle ran off.

"Where am I, anyway? What hospital is this?"

"There isn't a hospital in Winhill. This is my restaurant, and the upstairs is my house."

"OhmyGOD! I'm gonna die of an infection or something unsanitary! Why did they take me to a restaurant?! DO I LOOK HUNGRY?! …Are you even a doctor?!"

I sighed. "I'm as close to a doctor as you can get in Winhill, Laguna."

"You don't have a doctor?! What kind of junky little town am I in?!"

"The 'junky town' that I grew up in. Hey, at least someone here knows what to do." Temper… rising… calm down, Raine…

"You're not a doctor!! How can you know what you're doing? Omigod, you're not like, the janitor of this place, are you? You washed your hands, right?! I'm gonna die!!!!!"

"Laguna!" I yelled, heat creeping into my face. I'd finally had enough. "Calm down already!"

"Where's my coat? I have sanitizer in my pocket! I can't die! I'm too young to die!"

I disgustedly threw his coat at him. "You obsessive little…" In case Elle was listening, I didn't finish that thought.

"Ouch!" he yelled, wincing, and I immediately felt guilty. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle. "OH GOD! **EMPTY**!"

"Ha." It served him right. I dug through my pack. I was still angry with him. "If I'm so unclean, then here, I use hand sanitizer. That is, if you aren't afraid to touch the bottle." I laughed… not a happy laugh, either. A bitter laugh. I put the bottle of hand sanitizer in his hand. He dropped it instantly.

"How do I know that's sanitizer? Oh, are you trying to kill me?! I'll wake up tomorrow, dead…." I wanted very badly to point out if he was dead, then he quite clearly wouldn't be waking up. But I didn't. "…nobody'll care."

"Just grow up." I fumed, sinking down on the couch. "I'm not a murderer."

"Not yet!" he cried indignantly.

I sighed, deciding I liked him much better asleep. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten so flared up." I frowned apologetically.

"Guess I shouldn't have panicked." He, too, sighed. "Sorry."

I nodded, bringing my plate to the kitchen. I had to let my anger burn off before I went back into the room with Laguna. I shuddered. I had a long time till he got better…. How the heck was I supposed to deal with so long with him? I closed my eyes, sinking down at the table and pulling out my notebook. I shook my head. I had a long couple of months ahead of me.


	3. I think I like him

(a/n: Xifa helped write this. You should know that by now. She is Laguna and Elle and Sakura, and I am Raine.  Also this has no relation to I'll Be, nor do any of the characters. Same ol' same ol', nuffin has changed since last chapter. Okay?! And I DON'T OWN FINAL FANTASY VIII! Only Squall You all know the drill. In any case, go read Xifa's stories! They're great!) 

I'm tryin' to keep my cool, I know it shows, I'm starin' at my feet, my cheeks are turnin' red, I'm searchin' for the words inside my head, cause I feel so nervous…

            When I decided I could deal with Laguna again, I walked back into the room. He was holding onto his jacket, still, random items lying on the bed. His pockets were turned inside out, and I was surprised how much junk he'd managed to cram into them. He was preoccupied at the moment, however, with a folded up piece of paper. I didn't even ask, afraid he'd get mad at me. That was the last thing I needed. So I sat down, picked up my notebook again and restlessly started to write.

"Hey, Miss Leonhart."

I smiled a little and looked up at him. Looked like he did have manners, however deep they may be hidden. "Yes?"

"You seen these guys around, maybe? Like when they brought me?"

He handed me a bent up picture of three boys taken at least three years ago. The one in the middle was obviously Laguna. I didn't want to tell him this, but I had never seen anyone like that in Winhill, and even so we were especially slow lately. These other boys were totally unfamiliar.

"I'm sorry," I said softly, "I haven't seen them. But I'll go out and look soon, I promise." Even though I know they won't be there.

"Maybe I'll go look. Cause they look a little different now, and I gotta find 'em… so…"

"Be careful, Laguna. Don't overdo it. Last night you were nearly dead, you don't need to be out and about just yet."

"I feel fine," Laguna protested, "Look at me, I am the picture of healthy."

He was the picture of pitiful, if anything.

"Just be careful."

I found myself reaching over to touch his arm, but then back as quickly as if I'd been burned. I didn't want a repeat of the hand sanitizer episode. He slowly sat up, wincing. He slowly stood up, then cried out and sat back down. I wished more than anything at that moment that I could take away the pain.

"Peaches, peaches, peaches…" he muttered through gritted teeth.   
"What?" I put my hand on his shoulder, worried.

"Ellone's not in here, right? I won't say things in front of her…." He said slowly, eyes squinched shut. "You're right. You were right, I was wrong."

"It's okay, everything's okay, Laguna… Elle's not in her, feel free to say things." I knew that if it was me, I'd be saying things, so I guess I could excuse language just this once. "Just… be careful…" I was worried about him… if he rushed this…

"I won't say anything. I'll be polite today." He smiled weakly, eyes locking into mine. I felt a rush of embarrassment for no apparent reason and my knees nearly buckled.

I laughed slightly. He had wonderful eyes, despite his annoyingness. "Thank you."

His eyes diverted from my eyes to my hand resting on his shoulder, and I felt a wave of panic. I almost drew back. Almost.

"Sanitized?" he smiled to me.

"Sorry." I yanked my hand away, to embarrassed to say anything else. I was even blushing. Dangit!

"Well, were you?" he grinned.

"I washed my hands before I can in here." I murmured.

"I don't believe you," he said teasingly. Laguna reached out and took one of my hands, inspecting it.

"So do I pass?"  Heat rose in my cheeks. I ignored it. I hated blushing. Last time… well, I'll not get into that just yet. But it was never a good sign. Never.

"Missed a spot," he dropped my hand, smiling. "Now I'm contaminated."

Curses. He didn't have, y'know, let go of my hand if he was already contaminated. I found this thought awkward and shifted it to the back of my mind, along with the feeling I got when he took my hand. I looked down. My hand was still warm where he'd held it. No one but Elle had held my hand in a long time.

"Sorry."

"Sure, sure, that's what they all say."

"Seriously." I nodded.

"So, Miss-Know-It-All-Leonhart, when will I be ready to leave?"   

"I don't know that much. Whenever you're feeling better…. I'm sorry I don't know any more… feel free to stay as long as you need."

"I'll make it up, when I can, I promise…."

"Don't worry about it, Laguna."

"I will, sorry," He shrugged, "What kind of selfish person do you take me for?"

"I don't take you for a selfish person. I just refuse anything to make it up." I said simply.

I spared a glance at him. I was kind of happy, for some reason beyond my fathoming, that his ring didn't appear to be anything major, like that of someone who was married or engaged or anything… why was I thinking these things?!  Laguna was already a part of my life, whether I liked it or not.

"I mean, I'm employed. I can pay you for rent and all."

"Laguna, it doesn't matter. Stop fussing."

"Stop fussing?" he blinked a few times. "Yes, Mommy."

I rolled my eyes, and even spared a smile. "Sorry."

"It's alright. You can't not love a mommy."

I grinned. "Guess I've spent to long raising Ellone."

"Aw, you can adopt me!"

"Okay," I laughed.

"I feel… like a little kid again. Let's go on a road trip soon! Are we there yet?"

"…You sound like Elle." That thought made me giggle, and in turn my face went red. "…sorry bout that." I was serious again.

"About what?"

"Forget it. I guess I'm just so used to being the responsible adult, I feel like an idiot laughing like that."

"Boring girls are boring. You can be responsible without being boring." Laguna made a face.

"I'll try not to be so boring." I smiled slightly. But how?

"Go ahead. Laugh! C'mon, laugh!"

"What about?"

"How about… this!"

Laguna reached out and tickled me. I hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. I never told anyone I was ticklish, and here was a (rather cute) almost total stranger tickling me till I thought I was gonna die. How strange… that things could change so quickly.

"Ah, that's better!" Laguna grinned, still relentlessly tickling me.

"Oh, Laguna!" I gasped through my laughter.

He stopped for a moment, smiling. "Yes?"

I thought for a moment, thankful for a break. "….Thanks. I needed that." I grinned.

Laguna was staring past me towards the doorway now, however. I spun around to see my best friend Sakura standing there. I had a lot of explaining to do.


	4. confession to Sakura&he attempts to walk

_I run denying as we speak, Hiding my face among the weak_

"When did he turn up?" Sakura demanded.

"3 o'clock in the morning." I felt guilty although I didn't do anything.

"Omigosh, and you let him stick around?! You better have a good explanation!"

"Well, another soldier dragged him in half dead and covered in blood. Besides, he's cute. What was I supposed to do, kick a cute, wounded soldier out?!"

"Oh, okay, he's too dead to fight..." Sakura sighed in relief. "I thought he was like, some psycho-boyfriend you randomly picked up..."

"Nope. Not quite." I grinned. "But, like I said... wow, at first he was all obsessive, y'know? He was so defensive. I had just saved his life..." I thought back. "And he freaked out about me 'not being sanitary'! But then he got all.... y'know... human again, so that's good. And he appears to be single."

"Was he serious? About the whole sanitary thing?"

"I dunno... it's hard to tell with guys." I rolled my eyes

"That's just a little creepy. Kick him out."

"No! He's still hurt."

"And how long will he 'still be hurt'?" she asked, lifting an eyebrow in amusement

"However long it takes." I shrugged.

"Hehe...I'm just wondering how long you'll drag that out for."

"Sakura, I was just joking about him being cute..." I shook my head. "I don't want to get attached to anyone, not that way...."

"You're too late for that, I can already tell," she grinned.

I frowned. "No, Sakura... I don't want that... I just don't think I can handle it again...."

"Look, you've gotta move on eventually...I mean, I know it sucks and all...but maybe this dude's different."

"I don't care." I shook my head again, familliar feelings stirring. "I just don't want that.... Not that way."

"Obviously he's different. I mean, what's up with that hair?! When was he born, forty years ago?!"

"He's unique, I'll give him that. I'm just... afraid."

"Maybe you should talk to him about it. Dope him up on some sort of pill and tell him it's to make him feel better, then get all the information outta him while he's half crazy and then you'll really know. And if he's a jerk? Kick 'em out."

"No, Sakura. I'm not so vicious...." I smiled a little. Though inside I was actually not smiling at all...

"Well, I think he's into you, as much as he can be at least to not know you that well. I mean, what was up with that whole tickling thing?"

"He told me to laugh, I asked why... he said being responsible isn't being boring."

"I wouldn't laugh, so.... well, he made me."

"Obviously. He couldn't tell a lame joke, though...had to try a more, hmm...hands on approach?" she grinned evilly. "I'm so mean, goodness..."

"I know." I smiled only a little.

"Hm...well, I was gonna drop by to return that cake pan to you...I prolly should leave, seeing as how you have people to tend to..."

"I know you well enough to see what you mean." I rolled my eyes, smiled a little. "Whatever you think. But this isn't going any further."

"I'll be ten gil otherwise."

"Fine."

"Shake on it?" she held her hand out.

"Deal." I shook her hand.

"We'll see, we'll see," Sakura laughed, standing up. "Well, I'd best be leaving. I've got shopping to do in Deling. If you ever need a sitter for Elle, you know, if you get a social life suddenly, you know who to call."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes, smiling. "I'll see ya later."

"See ya," she waved, walking out.

I shook my head, ran a hand through my hair, remembering. But I went back into the living room where Laguna was, trying to keep my mind off it.

He had now taken to grabbing the latest newspaper and was thumbing through that, frowning occasionally.

I sat there, content to watch him, leaning against the door frame.

He'd occasionally mumble something in comment to it, or read a sentence aloud as he read through it, totally oblivious to the fact I was there. He sighed, eventually closing it and jumping a little at seeing me there.

"Ah, hi, mommy..."

"Raine, please."

"Whatever you say," he smiled slightly, nodding.

"Thanks." I nodded.

"I talked to Ellone while you were out. She's such a nice girl."

"She's so sweet." I smiled a little.

"I'm glad to have her...."

"I was surprised at how polite she was. Most kids I've met haven't been so...er...tolerable," he smiled.

I smiled brightly. "She's alot calmer than most kids. I dunno...."

"Well, I dunno either, but you've done a great job so far taking care of her! You're her mother then...? sister, maybe? I don't know..."

"She's my adopted daughter." I said, cautious about giving information on Elle.... especially to a soldier. He seemed friendly enough, but...

"How sweet. I'd probably be afraid to adopt a kid. I probably wouldn't make a good parent...I give into things that are cute too easily."

I smiled slightly. "Beware of Elle's puppy dog eyes. I fall for them too."

"...are you okay? Am I getting on your nerves?"

"No, you're not getting on my nerves."

"Are you sure? There's something about you, I just can't figure out what it is..."

"I'm sure." I smiled. What was he talking about? Did he sense my uneasiness about talking about Elle? Or about him?

"Okay, just making sure," he said uncertainly, pulling a blanket up around him tighter and still staring at the newspaper. "I want back out in the world, just outside for a breath of air...when will I be able to do that?"

"Not long, I'd bet." I sank down on the couch, not on the chair I had been sitting on when he'd decided to reach over and tickle me. I didn't want to sit right next to him, not when my guard was down.

"Good," he smiled. "I want to go for a walk. It's really hard to sit still for so long......what, are you afraid of me now?" he smiled slightly. "Look, I'll throw the gun over there if it bothers you that much..."

I smiled, moved back over to the chair. "Do you really feel like you'd be able to get up and move around? Really? Because if you think you can, I have a pair of crutches upstairs."

"I don't know. I'm ready to try. I'm ready to try anything, just for a few minutes, maybe...I just gotta do something..."

"Okay... If you're sure..." I ran upstairs quickly, got the crutches, and hurried back downstairs to Laguna.

He was already sitting up, and grinned as I walked in.

I smiled a little, held the crutches out and my hand. "C'mon, let's go for a walk, Laguna."

Okay, let's do," he stood up slowly, grabbing the crutches.

I cautiously reached over to help him. "Permission?"

"Yeah," he nodded quickly, clutching the crutches tightly and trying to keep a straight face.

I slid my arm around him, worried. "Are you okay? Are you sure you wanna do this right now?"

"Yes, yes! I can do this! What's the big deal? It's walking. I made it through training, I've made it through the army, I can most certainly WALK!" he said through gritted teeth.

I kept my mouth shut, trying to help him without making him mad.

He closed his eyes, stopping for a minute. He took a deep breath, opened them, and took another step. I tried to help him. I hoped, prayed he was okay. I kept my grip firm on him, my arm going numb as I held onto him.

He stared ahead at the door, then shook his head.

"Another day, maybe..." he said almost silently.

"Alright." I nodded, appreciating the fact he'd even stood up. That took some guts, some nerve. And most of all, that took tolerence, and patience. Something I was afraid no one really had.

He struggled back to the bed, and sat down.

"I wasn't meaning to yell at you. It wasn't you I was mad at...not you, I don't know who, just not you..."

"it's fine. Are you okay?"

"Yeah...stupid, but okay..."

"You aren't stupid. I'm pretty impressed with you."

"No, I'm dumb...I knew I couldn't do it, but I kept saying I could...can I talk to you later, maybe? I don't have anything to say right now."

"Sorry. Just call if you need anything..." I nodded, ran upstairs to my room, kind of surprised at the heat in my own face.

I was the stupid one, not Laguna. Laguna wasn't the one getting a dumb little teenager's crush. I was 21 now. To old for this, I had been through this before. I shook my head, my bangs falling into my eyes. I knew this lesson all to well, why was I daring to learn it again? I put my head in my hands, laughed to myself. I wouldn't let myself fall. It was just a little crush, I could pull out of it.

I had known Laguna for less than 24 hours. I could still do this. I had to. I wanted to find something in him, but I was afraid to look. Afraid of what I'd find and what would happen. I sat crosslegged, head in my hands, soaking in my own thoughts of Laguna, of the past, of everything. It all whirled inside my head, the thoughts blurring together, making everything distorted, and soon I fell asleep in the midst of my own mind.


End file.
